7 tips to be a Great Leader...

Some people are born leaders, whilst others have to work much harder at it. Regardless of whether you are new into management at work, lead a team of Web Warriors, or whether you have just been made the captain of your local football team, these tips should help you become a great leader.

1. Be Confident

Let me clarify that there is a vast difference between being confident and being arrogant. Confidence is a strong belief in your ability to succeed, whilst arrogance is an over the top, often rude and obnoxious quality that will not get you liked. If you want to be a strong leader, having confidence is important, because people need to feel secure, and confident with what their leader is doing.

Any sign of uncertainty will likely unsettle your team. It will make them nervous and unable to perform to the highest standards. Even if you are not feeling 100% confident yourself it is important that you don’t make it obvious to those around you.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask for help and advice, but you shouldn’t come across like a rabbit in the headlights either.

2. Listen

A good leader will also be someone that is a good listener. You must be able to listen to, and understand any problems or worries your team have. Being strong and a good talker is important, but almost secondary when compared to the importance of being able to listen.

3. Be Proactive

Being a good leader will demand that you spot, and deal with problems before they actually happen. As a leader you must be aware of what is going on around you, and try to find potential problems, so you can nip them in the bud before they actually manifest. For example, a manager in a supermarket would need to make sure that floor polishing was done after the store was closed and customers had left, so there were no accidents.

4. Stay Focused

A good leader will always be focused on the job, or task in hand. It is important for everybody around you that you are always aware of what is going on. If anything does go wrong then it will be you that your team turns to, and they will need you to know what is going on.

5. Don’t Lose Your Head

This is by no means easy, but is very important. In a pressured situation, a good leader will remain calm and collected. If you start to panic, or lose your rag then things could rapidly fall apart. Your team are there to support their leader, you, but should not under any circumstances be made to hold things together whilst you throw a hissy fit.

6. Be Decisive

Similar to confidence, being decisive relates to being sure of what you are doing, or instructing your team to do. Half hearted decisions will leave your team feeling unsure or confused. If you are not certain of how to deal with a situation immediately, take some time to think it over first before delivering a firm, decisive course of action.

7. Show Respect

This is quite possibly the most important element needed from a great leader. It is very hard for anyone to respect, or admire someone who is rude, short, and obnoxious. It is vital you treat everybody around you with grace and respect. Leaders that treat people fairly, and generously, are those who people really want to work with, and do well for.[how2spoter.com,2011]

my birthday message for my dearest husband...

I thought life consisted of days, months and years.
but You taught me my life consisted of just moments and those are the moments that I spend with you.

I Thought air, food and water made me live.
But with you, i've learnt that love is what makes one survive. And I understood My Love for you makes me stay alive.

As the years go by, I stop and think about all the memories we've made, the good times we've shared and the love between us that keeps growing. You are not only my husband, but my best friend and my dear soul mate. You are a blessing from above - one that I do not take for granted. I thank you for all the things that you've done for me. Not only are you a wonderful husband, I believe you'll be a terrific father. I love you, Honey ... more than words, more than life. I'm forever grateful for your love and proud to be your wife.

Wish you a very happy birthday!!!

Love always,
Your wife, Socheata :-)

top 10 ways to show confidence with your body language

They say a picture is worth a thousand words; now picture yourself, approaching a woman or a prospective client, walking into a board meeting or a party. How do you look? What message do you communicate the moment you walk into a room? What are your eyes, hands and shoulders saying? What information can people gather about you before you ever say a word? Never thought about it? You should. And you can start by perusing our top 10 tips to show confidence with body language.

People read your body language, often via instinct and without thinking. It’s because our poses and postures are a great source of information. They reflect our mood and our confidence level. We stand and walk a certain way when we’re confident and another way when we’re nervous. In a glance, most people can discern if we’re apprehensive or outgoing, relaxed or aggressive. With a little practice, we can learn the tips to show confidence through body language so that we always appear confident, capable and ready.

1. Avoid your pockets

The first tip on our list of the top 10 tips to show confidence with body language is to keep your hands out of your pockets. We put our hands in our pockets when we’re uncomfortable or unsure of ourselves. And as long as you have your hands stuffed down your pants, that’s how other people will view you.

Instinctually we tend to hide our hands when we’re nervous; keeping your hands out in the open indicates confidence and shows people you have nothing to hide. Also, recognize that putting your hands in your pockets encourages slouching, which isn’t good. As an alternative, try putting your hands on your hips; it’s a far more confident posture.

2. Don't fidget

Fidgeting is a clear sign of nervousness. A man who can’t keep still, is a man who is worried, tense and certainly not confident. Your hands can be your worst enemies -- fight to keep them still and steady. You can definitely talk with your hands, but keep your gesticulations calm and under control. Also, when seated, avoid that rapid leg-vibration thing that some guys do (you don’t want to look like a dog getting his belly rubbed).

3. Keep your eyes forward

Keeping your eyes level might be one of the trickiest ways to show confidence in body language. When you’re walking anywhere by yourself, it often feels natural to lower your head slightly and watch your step, but this posture communicates to others that you don’t want to engage in conversation or interact. And if you’re not careful, you might get into the habit of doing it all the time. Keep your chin up and your eyes forward, even when you’re walking down the street by yourself.

4. Stand up straight with your shoulders back

Standing up straight is one of the most important of our top 10 tips to project confidence through body language. It can be a challenge especially if you’ve been a sloucher all your life, but get over it. Standing up straight is perhaps the most important means of communicating confidence.

Concentrate on pushing your shoulders back slightly when standing and walking. Nothing major,just a little. That one simple motion does wonders for your posture. Try it in front of the mirror—you’ll be surprised how much more confident it makes you look.

5. Take wide steps

A confident man will never be described as “scurrying,” “creeping” or “sneaking,” so pay attention to the way you walk. If you want to show confidence with body language you want to take large steps. Wide steps make you seem purposeful and suggest a personal tranquility, which denotes confidence in a man.

6. Firm handshakes

Another of our top 10 tips for showing confidence with body language has to do with the firm handshake. There are few things worse than reaching out your hand during an introduction and getting a palm full of dead fish. Don’t be that guy. Instead, grip the other person’s hand firmly and confidently. If shaking hands with someone you’ve already met, you might even consider the two-hand grab: placing your free hand on the other person’s elbow adds warmth and enthusiasm to the handshake. Just don’t get carried away. A handshake is not a contest. Don’t try to crush the other person’s hand and don’t hold on too long.

7. Proper grooming

Imagine yourself walking into a room, maybe there are lots of beautiful women there or maybe the room is filled with respected colleagues. Now consider your appearance: four days' worth of scruff, bad skin, hair crispy and pointy like a Backstreet Boy’s. The point we’re trying to make is that grooming is an essential component of communicating confidence through body language.

You want your hair, face and even your smell to work for you, not against you. Don’t be afraid to experiment with new products to find the ones that work for you.

8. Smile

Confident people smile because they have nothing to worry about. Try this as an experiment: smile at someone as you pass them on the street or walking around the office. Chances are good that they’ll smile back. Now wouldn’t you like to have that effect on people all the time?

9. Don’t cross your arms when socializing

Crossing your arms is a protective posture. We do it when we’re cold, nervous or on guard. Think of those big, burly nightclub bouncers, crossing their 26-inch pythons while standing guard at the door to a club. Do they look like guys you want to talk to, joke with or work with? No, right? Their job is to look intimidating. Your job is to look likeable, open and confident. So relax a little and keep your arms uncrossed.

10. Use contact to show appreciation

The pat on the back is a lost art. Don’t be afraid to pat a buddy or a colleague on the back when he or she delivers a perfectly timed punch line or nails the big presentation. Most people aren’t freaked out by a hand on the shoulder and they’ll likely be appreciative of your sign of affection and respect.[foxnews.com, 2011]

To build a long lasting relationship...

"Love brings along many expectations that need to be met. Every partner expects something from the other. But the expectations must be realistic and achievable. If both partners understand that that neither of them is perfect and accept each other “Warts and All” It will help them enjoy an equitably and contented life together."


The foundation stone.

Relationships are like plants. They need to be nurtured with love, care and understanding. You need to work at it on a regular basis and learn the skills needed to make it grow. Those who take relationships for granted and do not take the time to do the maintenance will find a once beautiful relationship will wilt and die.
Good communication is the foundation stone of any healthy relationship but there must also be lashings of mutual respect and commitment to each other.


Trust each other
You must learn to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner,even if they are unpleasant. Very often the fear of offending your partner makes you keep quiet, and you choose to suffer in silence. Not only doing an injustice to you but also sowing the seeds of unhappiness and mistrust.
You must trust each other. Suspicion breeds hate, jealousy and sorrow. Often, these feelings get out of control, and destroy relationships. The best way to keep the flame of trust shining bright is to confide in your partner. It removes mistrust, and does not allow misunderstandings to grow.
It pays to be honest with each other. Don’t hesitate to brush unpleasant issues under the carpet. If you have done a wrong, let your partner know. You will both feel stronger to face the next challenge.


Balanced relationship
Being a part of the ‘couple’ should not affect the sense of self.
Establishing boundaries where needed helps to maintain a balanced relationship and allows each to become fulfilled. Keep your own hobbies and pastimes but remember to share an interest in what your partner does as well. You are two separate entities with often-differing likes, dislikes, traits and interest. Respecting and allowing for these differences is essential for reducing conflict.


“Warts and All”
Love brings along many expectations that need to be met. Every partner expects something from the other. But the expectations must be realistic and achievable. If both partners understand that that neither of them is perfect and accept each other “Warts and All” It will help them enjoy an equitably and contented life together.


There are three stages in every relationship.


The first is attraction.
When you are first attracted to a person, you wish to know more about them, there likes, dislikes, interests etc. Then you gather courage to make your first move like asking to come for a movie, dance or dinner. Both partners often feeling embarrassed and awkward but probably mostly feeling over come with wonderful feelings about your new-found love.


The second is the testing stage.
This is the stage when the relationship starts blooming. You are both learning more about each other. If you hide your emotions or are deceitful in any way at this stage, then you can be sure that you are building weak foundations. The relationship any well seem to flourish for a while but that weakness will undermine all the good work you do and it will fail. Honesty dealt with in a tender manner will be a strong bond that will help to hold you together.


The third is the conflict stage.
As the relationship progresses and you have been together some time there will be conflicts and disagreements. Those who are able to handle these conflicts with trust and equanimity will be able to keep the relationship going where others would simply flounder. So, learn to handle conflicts and learn form all the ups and downs.


A fine achievement
Because you have been together for a long time you may well feel your partner takes you for granted or that you are in a rut. The positive side of that coin is you are in a comfortable relationship were you have mutual respect for each other. It may not have the zest and excitement of a new relationship but you have learned to live in contentment with another. This really is a fine achievement worthy of praise. It has the reward of a long lasting loving relationship that can only be coveted by many.
Allow your partner just to be human not some super-person who you expect must always get it right. If you allow them that courtesy they might then do the same for you!

Is he really your Mr. Right?

Just looking at him takes your breath away. You think about him all the time. You can't wait to hear from him again. Strong feelings. But is it love? Is he the one? Most women have experienced all of the strong feelings of initial attraction to someone, only to find out later that it was not a good relationship. Those beginning feelings are so intense it can be difficult to view the relationship rationally. Your heart may get in the way of your head, and that can spell disaster and heartache. So how do you know he's the one?

Take the time to really get to know him. Do you really know him? When we meet someone, we tend to get an initial impression, and these impressions can later prove to be false. We have to trust our gut instinct, but we also need to verify those feelings with facts. This only comes from really getting to know someone. Find out what makes them tick. To really know someone takes time, effort, and patience. Dating partners, ourselves included, try to put our best foot forward to make a good impression when we meet someone. We hide our bad habits, watch what we say, and try to put ourselves in the best light we can. Many relationship experts call this the "honeymoon period." It is easy to be blinded during this time, especially to others' faults.

When you are with this man, on the phone or in person, ask questions. Everyone likes to have someone be interested in him. It doesn't have to be an interrogation. Just use the time you have together to get to know his heart and mind. What does he like? What does he not like? Is he a racist? What are his views on women's issues? What do his friends think of him? How does he treat his family? How does he talk about past relationships? Does he accept responsibility for the mistakes he has made, or does he blame all his problems on someone else? What is his history? What jobs has he held? Has he moved around a lot in his life? What are his goals for the future? What are his regrets? Is he generous? Is he considerate of other people's feelings? Do you recognize any controlling behaviors?

Does he listen to you? "Genuine concern manifests itself in listening to the cares, concerns and issues of your woman," says Anthony Woodson, president and CEO of BlackLoveForever.com, a matchmaking service that has resulted in nearly 500 marriages. "A man who wants to be around you for the long-term will be a good listener when you need him. He will be a dependable source of guidance and support and will not turn a deaf ear simply because the problem is too big. If he doesn't know the solution, he will try his best to find one."

Watch how he interacts with others. Does he bark orders at waiters? Does he have good manners? Manners may not seem as important to you now, but at some point you will want to introduce him to your family or co-workers, and it will become more important. How does he treat women in his life? What does he say about women co-workers?

How does he treat you? Is he considerate of your wants and needs? Does he value your opinion? Do you feel free to express your likes and dislikes to him? Does he keep his dates with you on time? Does he do what he says he will do? "To trust a man is to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his partner," says Jel D. Lewis, relationship expert and columnist.

Do you share the same outlook on what is important in life? He can be gorgeous, and make you feel special, but if you are a person who loves to be involved in helping others, and he is a person who is more concerned about getting what he wants for himself, there will be conflict. How does he accept your differences? Two people can have very different opinions on issues, and yet show respect for the other's view. Is he concerned about being right? Will he be supportive of you with whatever you choose to do in your life?

What do your friends and family think of him? Eventually you will want him to meet the other people in your life. Because they have no bias toward this man, they may see things you don't see. Listen to their concerns. If someone expresses a concern, look at it carefully instead of dismissing it. If it is a legitimate concern, you need to address it.

Look for warning signs. One therapist calls these the "caution lights" and many of us, when we look back on past relationships that proved to be bad for us, remember seeing signs of trouble early on. Most of the time these were ignored. Don't avoid the caution lights. If he does something or says something that makes you feel something may not be right, explore that. Don't rationalize away your concerns. If it doesn't feel right, it may not be right.

Think about the long view. It's easy to believe that because we are so compatible now, we will always be. But when we look at a future with someone, a lot of other things become more important. Is he an honorable person? Is he honest? Is he a person of his word? Is he trustworthy? Does he follow through with commitments? Does he want the same things from his life that you do? How does he handle conflicts? Does he have a temper? Is he abrasive or abusive at times? Any sign of abusive behavior is a definite "deal breaker". No matter how nice a guy he is at times, if he's abusive at other times, he's not for you. You deserve better than that.

He should make you feel good about yourself and encourage you to grow. If you weren't in a relationship with this man, is he the kind of man you would still want to be friends with? Gandy, creator of the motivational tape, Make Space So Joy Has A Place, gives this advice: "If this person is truly a good fit for you, then his qualities should be desirable even if you are not in a relationship." Do you have the same views spiritually, financially, and socially?

Happiness is something we all seek. But long term happiness is our ultimate goal. If this man is the one, he will be someone you can be happy with for a long time. Don't settle for instant gratification to the expense of your long term well-being. Author and motivational speaker Dr. Grace Cornish advises women not to get caught up looking for love in a certain package. "If you think he's the one, don't write him off just because he's not wearing a certain suit or driving a certain car," she says. "Get to know who he is and what his values are. After moving beyond the physical, you can enter the emotional and spiritual, where you'll find love and opportunity waiting and smiling back at you." [associatedcontent.com,2011]