Is he really your Mr. Right?

Just looking at him takes your breath away. You think about him all the time. You can't wait to hear from him again. Strong feelings. But is it love? Is he the one? Most women have experienced all of the strong feelings of initial attraction to someone, only to find out later that it was not a good relationship. Those beginning feelings are so intense it can be difficult to view the relationship rationally. Your heart may get in the way of your head, and that can spell disaster and heartache. So how do you know he's the one?

Take the time to really get to know him. Do you really know him? When we meet someone, we tend to get an initial impression, and these impressions can later prove to be false. We have to trust our gut instinct, but we also need to verify those feelings with facts. This only comes from really getting to know someone. Find out what makes them tick. To really know someone takes time, effort, and patience. Dating partners, ourselves included, try to put our best foot forward to make a good impression when we meet someone. We hide our bad habits, watch what we say, and try to put ourselves in the best light we can. Many relationship experts call this the "honeymoon period." It is easy to be blinded during this time, especially to others' faults.

When you are with this man, on the phone or in person, ask questions. Everyone likes to have someone be interested in him. It doesn't have to be an interrogation. Just use the time you have together to get to know his heart and mind. What does he like? What does he not like? Is he a racist? What are his views on women's issues? What do his friends think of him? How does he treat his family? How does he talk about past relationships? Does he accept responsibility for the mistakes he has made, or does he blame all his problems on someone else? What is his history? What jobs has he held? Has he moved around a lot in his life? What are his goals for the future? What are his regrets? Is he generous? Is he considerate of other people's feelings? Do you recognize any controlling behaviors?

Does he listen to you? "Genuine concern manifests itself in listening to the cares, concerns and issues of your woman," says Anthony Woodson, president and CEO of BlackLoveForever.com, a matchmaking service that has resulted in nearly 500 marriages. "A man who wants to be around you for the long-term will be a good listener when you need him. He will be a dependable source of guidance and support and will not turn a deaf ear simply because the problem is too big. If he doesn't know the solution, he will try his best to find one."

Watch how he interacts with others. Does he bark orders at waiters? Does he have good manners? Manners may not seem as important to you now, but at some point you will want to introduce him to your family or co-workers, and it will become more important. How does he treat women in his life? What does he say about women co-workers?

How does he treat you? Is he considerate of your wants and needs? Does he value your opinion? Do you feel free to express your likes and dislikes to him? Does he keep his dates with you on time? Does he do what he says he will do? "To trust a man is to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his partner," says Jel D. Lewis, relationship expert and columnist.

Do you share the same outlook on what is important in life? He can be gorgeous, and make you feel special, but if you are a person who loves to be involved in helping others, and he is a person who is more concerned about getting what he wants for himself, there will be conflict. How does he accept your differences? Two people can have very different opinions on issues, and yet show respect for the other's view. Is he concerned about being right? Will he be supportive of you with whatever you choose to do in your life?

What do your friends and family think of him? Eventually you will want him to meet the other people in your life. Because they have no bias toward this man, they may see things you don't see. Listen to their concerns. If someone expresses a concern, look at it carefully instead of dismissing it. If it is a legitimate concern, you need to address it.

Look for warning signs. One therapist calls these the "caution lights" and many of us, when we look back on past relationships that proved to be bad for us, remember seeing signs of trouble early on. Most of the time these were ignored. Don't avoid the caution lights. If he does something or says something that makes you feel something may not be right, explore that. Don't rationalize away your concerns. If it doesn't feel right, it may not be right.

Think about the long view. It's easy to believe that because we are so compatible now, we will always be. But when we look at a future with someone, a lot of other things become more important. Is he an honorable person? Is he honest? Is he a person of his word? Is he trustworthy? Does he follow through with commitments? Does he want the same things from his life that you do? How does he handle conflicts? Does he have a temper? Is he abrasive or abusive at times? Any sign of abusive behavior is a definite "deal breaker". No matter how nice a guy he is at times, if he's abusive at other times, he's not for you. You deserve better than that.

He should make you feel good about yourself and encourage you to grow. If you weren't in a relationship with this man, is he the kind of man you would still want to be friends with? Gandy, creator of the motivational tape, Make Space So Joy Has A Place, gives this advice: "If this person is truly a good fit for you, then his qualities should be desirable even if you are not in a relationship." Do you have the same views spiritually, financially, and socially?

Happiness is something we all seek. But long term happiness is our ultimate goal. If this man is the one, he will be someone you can be happy with for a long time. Don't settle for instant gratification to the expense of your long term well-being. Author and motivational speaker Dr. Grace Cornish advises women not to get caught up looking for love in a certain package. "If you think he's the one, don't write him off just because he's not wearing a certain suit or driving a certain car," she says. "Get to know who he is and what his values are. After moving beyond the physical, you can enter the emotional and spiritual, where you'll find love and opportunity waiting and smiling back at you." [associatedcontent.com,2011]

10 Common Reasons causing break-up relationship

Conflict and stress are part of most love relationships. These reasons couples break up and relationships fail can help you heal and learn to love again.
Working towards a healthy love relationship is one of the most rewarding and challenging things you’ll ever do! These ten reasons couples break up and relationships fail describe the most common problems couples face.

These tips will help couples build long-term love, and help broken hearts heal after a relationship breakup.

Why Do Couples Break Up?

1. Failing to keep promises, lying, or cheating. These blatant violations of trust often result in failed relationships. If the basic trust in a love relationship is repeatedly broken, the problems accumulate and the motivation to stay together decreases. Partners in healthy relationships agree to reconcile their differences – and if they keep their promises, the relationship can stay strong. However, consistent lying, cheating, or breaking of promises can explain why relationships end.

2. Imbalance of power. A common reason couples break up is when one partner has more decision-making power than the other. When one person usually makes the decisions about activities, friends, financial matters, household matters, holidays, and so on, the relationship can become unstable. If a sense of equality doesn’t exist, a failed relationship could be the result.

3. Acceptance of stereotypes. Mistaken gender myths include beliefs such as “Men like sex more than women” or “Women are passive” or “Men make more money than women.” If one partner believes these stereotypes, false expectations are created – resulting in higher chances of a failed relationship. An equal balance of power can save your marriage.

4. Isolation. A common reason couples break up is isolation from friends and family when the couple first gets together. Intimate love relationships based on fear and insecurity (which is why couples isolate themselves) aren’t stable, and exacerbate other problems – which can lead to a relationship breakup.

5. Lack of self-knowledge. If one or both partners aren’t in tune with their interests, needs, desires, future plans, goals, values, sexual attitudes, and preferences – then it’s difficult for them to engage in a healthy relationship. Self-knowledge helps partners communicate who they are and what they want – which can prevent the breakup of a romantic relationship. This can be a reason why couples break up, especially if they got together when they were young.

6. Low self-esteem, insecurity, and lack of self-confidence. A common reason couples break up is because one partner feels unworthy of being loved. This insecurity can lead to possessiveness and overdependence, which isn’t healthy for a love relationship. Building self-esteem and self-confidence is one way to avoid relationship failure (but each partner must do this for him or herself).

7. Excessive jealousy. “Jealousy is cited as one of the most frequent causes of the breakup of romantic relationships,” writers Roger Hock in Human Sexuality. Delusional jealousy can trigger abuse and violence, which can (and should) be why relationships end. Delusional jealousy isn’t a common problem couples face – but normal jealousy can be.

8. Ineffective communication. If both partners can’t share their thoughts, feelings, opinions, values, needs, frustrations, or even their joys, a failed relationship could result. If this was the cause of a breakup, then learning to love again could involve learning how to communicate effectively. This is a common reason for breaking up.

9. Control issues. If one partner is trying to control or manipulate the other, the love relationship can become weak – or even dangerous. This reason why relationships end may be seen in different ways, such as checking up on the partner, name-calling, threatening the partner, requiring the partner check in all the time, or not allowing any deviations from the partner’s schedule. This isn’t loving behavior, and it results in failed relationships.

10. Abuse. This is the most obvious, surefire way to reason why couples break up. Different types of abuse are attempts to gain total control over a partner. Though relationships like this should end immediately, many partners stay for various complicated reasons. Learning to love and trust again can be difficult if this is the reason the relationship ended.

Conflict and stress are part of most marriages and love relationships – but being aware of the common reasons couples break up can help them work towards a healthy love relationship. [suite101.com,2010]

How To Encourage Yourself - Don't Quit

The road of life we each travel isn't one endless stretch of flat, paved expressway, but rather, is filled with curves, valleys, detours, potholes and bumps. Life is very unpredictability and that is what makes it so interesting and alluring. It's that unpredictability that makes for some real gut-tightening questions and fears as well.

Ever feel like quitting? "Are you kidding?" you ask, "A better question would be, 'How many times TODAY have I felt like quitting?' " Sure. We've all felt like "throwing in the towel" at one time or another. If you haven't, I suggest that you check your pulse quickly. And here's a real shocker for you: the notion that "winners never quit" is a crock! Everyone - even "winners"- has not only felt like it, but has even quit at one time or another.

Having said that, I do feel that we, too often, give up on our dreams too easily and quickly - perhaps, just one small step short of success. So what do you do when the going gets tough and you feel like quitting? Here are ten strategies that you can employ when you hit those apparent "roadblocks" on your road of life:

1. Remember the reason(s) you started in the first place. What was the "spark" that caused you to begin the journey? Revisiting that may help rekindle the flame that helps you go on.

2. Ask yourself, "What would I rather be doing?" If nothing compelling comes to mind, then determine the next step you need to take to move you closer to your original destination. If something more compelling does come to mind, maybe you need to quit.

3. List 10 reasons why you CAN keep going. What strengths and resources do you possess that will help you achieve your desired outcome? Just the very act of doing this shifts your focus from the problem to the solution.

4. Give yourself permission to quit. Sounds crazy, but it works. When you set up an internal law that says, "I can't quit." Or "I shouldn't quit", it makes the desire to quit even stronger.

5. Give yourself a need to continue. Rather than focus on why you feel you need to quit, focus on why you need to continue. What's the payoff, the reward waiting for you if you persevere?

6. Stop focusing on the struggle and start focusing on the solution. Whatever you focus on expands. If your focus is on the struggle you are experiencing, that becomes the biggest (and maybe even the ONLY) thing on your "horizon" It blocks out many, if not all, of the creative opportunities and solutions that may be trying to present themselves to you.

7. Take a hard look at your methodology. Tired of getting poor or less than optimum results from your efforts? Then why keep doing things the same way an expecting something different to happen? That's the classic definition of insanity! Ask yourself, "What's the most radical or unorthodox action I could take right now?" Try it.

8. Make a contract with yourself. Write out what you intend to accomplish and how you intend to accomplish it and then give yourself, say, six months to achieve your goal. Sign and date it and keep it where you can see it. You might even impose some kind of "penalty" for breaking the contract - no chocolate for a month, maybe.

9. Get real. Were you enticed by the "illusion" that success is easy? Maybe you were enamored by the "fluff" that if you just want something badly enough, it will find its way to your doorstep. Success is WORK. Pure and simple. It is the result of a certain mindset as well as a set of deliberate actions. If you want to quit something, then quit fooling yourself by thinking it's going to be a "piece of cake".

10. Walk away. Sometimes looking at something too hard or long obscures the solutions. It's the "can't see the forest for the trees" phenomenon. By simply walking away or taking a break from the struggle to solve, you often free your mind to see new options and opportunities. [sap-basis-abap,2010]

Why should we celebrate Birthday party?

Birthdays should be celebrated - here's some why's:

Acknowledge individual's existence on this planet. No matter in what kind of family we are destined to be born, we are here, we are here to live the life to its fullest. Each individual has only one chance in a one's
life's time to be sent to this Earth. One body, one life, one chance - Tell the world we are already here!

We still have a chance to make changes in our lives - if it has not been good so far. Take the chance to improve. Include the hopes and wishes in your checklist for your next birthdays to come - Good for you if you did managed to fulfill the dreams... [assocaitedcontent,2010]

Individual's life is a unique story, you are a part of somebody's life - one's life story is part of another's. Celebrate!

Birthday celebration bonds the family and friends - let it be a way to remember that your family and friends are worth loving. Show your love to your spouse, parents, children, brothers, sisters, friends, teachers and just anybody who is part of your life. There's nothing to lose in showing how much you care.

Birthday presents are good, but a wish that comes from your heart is worth all the presents in this world to those who love you. It's the thought that counts.

Birthday celebration does not mean that you have to have a big party each time. A simple dinner for your family or a few close friends will do, say your prayers - that would be just fine and will be remembered all the same.

So, take your time to celebrate birthdays for that special someone or any important people in your life.