Anger Management - how to control your anger?

According to Dr. Tony Fiore, So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer; it is known that, It's better to prevent unnecessary conflict than to manage conflict once the flames have started. And, learn to manage conflict by "using your head", rather than your heart.

Sometimes it's simply not possible to regain control over your anger in the moment. And if you can't control your anger during conflicts, you will cause (yourself and others) pain, and run the risk of permanently damaging relationships. So, i would greatly appreciate if you guys could spend some time to go through this article - you might able to learn some anger control techniques, at the end.

There is a common myth that all relationship conflicts should be “settled” in the moment while the intense feelings are present. If you do not do this, you may be accused of “avoiding” the issue. Once stress or anger levels escalate to a certain point, one or both partners reach a point of no-return, due to flooding of the brain with intense emotions. This makes it almost impossible to disengage from each other and stop the fight.

You know it is time to Retreat and Think Things Over when you are:

• Feeling overwhelmed during an argument
• Raising your voice to an unusual level
• Feeling your temper is out of control
• You notice your heart racing
• Sense your muscles tensing
• Can’t think straight and you start to feel hostile.


But what is Retreat and Think things overs mean?

“Retreat and Think Things Over.”
Basically this means to temporarily distance yourself from the situation for a period of time so that both of you can calm down. This allows your bodily systems to return to normal, and allows your normally good reasoning and thinking ability to return.

Why this tool works

Temporarily removing yourself from the situation allows your body to return to normal, provides a cooling-down time. It also allows your brain to return to its normal state where you can reason and think better.

This tool helps prevents you or your partner from saying unfair or hurtful things in the heat of battle—which can easily escalate into further conflicts and resentments, causing you and your partner to become even more emotionally cut-off and distanced from each other.

Some Basic Rules may includes as following:

While the concept of “Retreat and Think Things Over” is simple, it will not work very well unless the following rules are followed:

Rule #1: You can only use the tool for yourself - not your partner. It does not usually work for you to tell your partner it is time for them to retreat.

Rule #2: Announce that you need to take a time out and Retreat before you do it. This should be done using assertive communication in a way that clearly conveys your need to leave before thing get out of hand, as opposed to your leaving to merely avoid dealing with the situation.

Rule #3- You need to commit to a reasonable length of time to return and deal with the issue— no longer than several hours, as a general rule.

Rule #4: Don’t drink or use drugs to get high during this time. It will be much harder, if not impossible, to convince your partner of your sincerity in wanting to work things out if you return intoxicated or high.

Rule #5: Be very careful and very selective in who you talk to during your Retreat Time. While there is a natural tendency to contact a friend or family member who is sympathetic, you should be careful.

Somehow, people might ask: Why is this important?
There should be no doubts; it is because they may have a permanently negative view of your partner, even after you have made-up and things are now fixed in the relationship.You can’t necessarily expect your family to turn the positive emotions back on like you have.

To sum up; we better take temporarily removing ourselves from the situation and allows our body and mind to return to normal; while, allowing our normally good reasoning to return.

what is regret? why people regret and how to deal with that? ....

Have you ever regret of something? Why? and do you know how to deal with the regret you have experienced? So, let's go through the below article together and i believe it would give you some ideas; or some people might give up their own wills if they too regret of sth they have done.


Notice: These article is originally posted by Offra Gerstein, Ph.D. 2004.

Regretting our actions or words entails looking back at ourselves with judgment and sorrow. Feeling regret is considered by some to be the hardest emotion to contend with, because it is a compounded emotion. Its unremitting remorse may be accompanied by intense guilt, shame, and self-reproach. It is a feeling worth avoiding.
Some of the types of regret one may feel are Regret of circumstances, Regret of actions taken or withheld, Regret of choices and Regret of words and conduct toward others.

People may regret choices they made in life about their education, careers, business, purchases, friends, family, and other important decisions. They tell themselves that had they taken another route their present life would have been easier. In some cases that may well be true. For example, having gotten in trouble with the law at a younger age did deprive some people of productive years of freedom, while serving time in jail. In other cases, the regret is based on untested beliefs that only keep those individuals feeling badly about themselves. Assuming that had they chosen another career in life they would have been more successful, may or may not be true.

Probably the most common deep regrets people have are not of circumstances that were beyond their control or choices they made in life but of behavior or words that have damaged their self-worth. When people behave in ways that contradict their values they live to regret the damage done to others and to their sense of wholesomeness.

Some people review their youthful conduct with regret about their callousness towards their parents, disrespect of elders or selfish behavior. Others may feel shame and sorrow about their unkind attitude toward some peers such as; bullying, exclusion, gossip, betrayal, name calling, spreading lies, racism, and other ways of demeaning others to promote themselves.
So, every additional season of our lives adds more past to review. Those who can look back at themselves with the comfort and few regrets are people who followed their conscience and found greater ease in their emotional life. Those who suffer from regrets are advised to find ways to alleviate their pain.

In all relationships it is wise to use the golden rule. If you would appreciate the behavior you are about to undertake toward your partner if it were done to you, then this is a healthy act. Spare all others. The sarcastic shaming words, the selfish disregard of a partner’s need, the contemptuous gestures, or the unkind deeds may serve our purpose at the moment, but since they are WRONG they will plague us later.


Hence, it is important to avoid today the words and acts that may become the source of future regret. Very often we KNOW that our about to be taken action is a compromising one, indecent, unfair, immoral or unkind to others. If we heed this instinctual knowledge, we may spare ourselves the pain of future regret.

To avoid the pains of regret you need to:

1. Review your past with forgiveness and remorse.

2. Take action to re-mediate what you can and understand what was out of your control.

3. Repair past actions with positive ones in the present.

4. Refrain from behaving in ways that you KNOW will add to your future regrets.

5. Acting to avoid regret is one way toward decent conduct.

6. Remember that your view of yourself is the primary source of self-esteem and YOU can keep it healthy.

7. The less you find yourself saying "if only", the happier you will be and the more likely you are to be acting in a non-regrettable way.

Thus, we should learn to forgive ourselves but make sure we won't repeat the same mistake. Don't ever punish and give oneself no chance to correct themselves. No one is perfect, so give yourself chances to become as good as you could.

Worth the moment with that special person who really matter to you!

People, we all sometimes may have experienced a very upset moment, failure, painful, and misery; then at the time, at least there a few people had decided to end themselves and vanish their body and soul from the world. Why? Simple reason is that; because they are too thoughtless, they might have been discouraged or looked down or especially those might be a type of lonesome person who has no one to be taking care of or to build up hope when they are really weak and need a hand. So that, they decided to end up their lives or some people might never ever dare to restart or to stand up again.

Lives is like this...it's not a game to play win or lose then you can replay at any time; it's not a game that you can bet with money; neither. Life is a thing that is priceless and to experience many obstacles.

If you are afraid to stand up again due to how you afraid of second failure, you'll never know what the life is really are.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. Safe and comfortable but pointless.

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there. To serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. Additionally; according to Dwayne Savaya, it was said that You never know who these people may be but when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, will power or heart.

The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and to open your heart and eyes to little things. Make every day count.

All in all,we must appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.

Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you.

Guys, if you don't believe in yourself, you'll never spell the word "SUCCESS" right.And please remember that your self-confident can't help fulfill your life to the meaningful but it's worth your hard-work.

No matter how strong you are to build a life from scratch to where you are at now; don't you ever forget to worth the moment with someone you love, and please value every seconds and every moment with those who are really matters to you. They might need you as much as you need them to be by your side than you ever need those stuffs you have built; or it will be too late till you might have realized how much they meant to you. So, believe in yourself, you give up hopes, and don't ignore the person who cares for you coz they will be your life treasure just you not yet realized that.

For gentlemen: Make her smile :

Hey gentlemen... besides saying "i love you" to your the girl you loved, have you ever noticed how she might feel upset and starving to be cared.


If you do love her true, please pay more attention to her and try to listen and understand her heart as much as you could; then you will realized how important you are to her.

Since i was born on the 27th, below are 27 simple ways, regarding to an additional research, could make her smile...so, check it out and i hope the following article might give you some ideas and especially to any men who think that they are not a romantic type of person and find no ideas to comfort their lady.

1. Tell her she is beautiful (not hot, fine, or sexy)

2 . Holdher hand at any moment . . . even if its just for a second.

3 . Kiss her on the forehead.

4 . Leave her a text message every morning (you'll be the 1st person to say morning to her)

5 . Always tell her you love her with all your heart and in every circumstances.

6 . When she is upset, hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you.

7 . Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most.

8 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.

9 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.

10 . Show her that you care by just text her an sms at her breakfast, lunch & dinner.

11 . Introduce her to family and friends . . . as your girlfriend.

12 . Play with her hair.

13 . being her company and show her that you are the one she can relies on.

14 . Sit in the park and just talk to her; though, useless stuffs she talks

15 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, or just tell her jokes, whatever. but make sure you keep conversation goes.

16 . driving behind her or just drive across and stop by her house to show her, you miss.

17 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.

18. open your wide chest to her whenever she sad; she'll need your arms to be her castle.

19 . If she's mad at you, kiss and embrace her tenderly.

20 . Never lies and remember, true love will exists only when there is no secret between you,two.

21 . Buy her stuffs, not that expensive but just little things that you think she would loves that.

22 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when your alone.

23 . Look her in the eyes and smile with love.

24 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.

25 . Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing.

26 . Kiss her in the rain if you could be in the moment; she needs to be warmth.

27 . If you in love with her . . . tell her. Remember, don't ever ignore or neglect her, or she'll feel you are loving her no more.

Take a look at yourself again,guys! See, if there any of the above points you never ever done to your lady. Let's try that,,, there'll be an outcome. :)

You'll realize that you are in love when ....

When you are together with someone who you think is special to you, you pretend to ignore that person and pretend to worth them just like other, a simple friend. But when that person is not around, you might look around to find them. And here, the moment that you are in love.


Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh or show how much they cares about you but your eyes and attention might go to the person, whom you think is special.
Then, you are in love.

Although that special person was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet. No doubts that, you will sure are desperately waiting for their call! here, you are in love.


When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the messages in your phone or emails from your inbox because of one message from that special one, you are in love.


You keep telling yourself, "that person is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction. It is becoz you are in love. [lovefatedestiny,2009]

So ladies and gentlemen, while you are reading this page, I am sure that there will be someone exists in your mind; then why still doubts if that person is the one you are in love with or not.

Find out more about your heart and yourself, guys... remember not to let time goes by useless and come to regret when everything are already too late. Please spend time with your beloved one; worth every moment you have becoz time that already passed will never come again. better confess and reveal every single secret to those you love, or you don't even have chance to say "i love you" as it is already too late to realize that he/she is our real life treasure after they are too hurt to bear with how you neglect and ignore them.

Great lucks!